Saw this post up on StyleVitae and found it somehow truthfully and totally hilarious (if there is any word like that). Check it out and let me know what you think about the dating scene in Lagos, especially on the Island.
Do you not just wonder how relationships have gone from very direct to absolutely complicated? How things went from I like you, I want to you to be my girlfriend to let’s just see how it goes, and how dinner dates were replaced by come over let’s chill at mine. Do you wonder?
I have basically spent my entire life in Lagos and overtime the horror dating stories I hear from friends and family has caused me to be very particular with dating, to remember to cross all the T’s and dot the I’s, and most especially never ever work under assumption.
From the man that will date his girl for three years, give everyone the impression that he is going to marry her, only to travel for his ‘cousin’s wedding’ and his girlfriend is seeing pictures of his wedding on social media, to the girl who has her boyfriend buy aosebi for her ‘best friend’s wedding’ when in reality it is actually her wedding the man is attending. Or is it the one dating for six months and thinking she has found her missing rib only to find out she has been assistant side chick! The stories are bizzare.
Here in Lagos, everything is packaging, you meet a guy at a wedding in white Kaftan, iphone 6, car key and a borrowed accent and think you have met the man of your dreams, trust me it is more than that! You do not want to find out after a few dates and your insisting you know his place,that his apartment in Igbo-efon, Lekki is a one bedroom apartment, or the car he picks you with is for his friend that lives down the road, and he is ‘inbetween jobs’.
Countless times I have met guys that say ‘I don’t date girls who do not drive cars, work in a bank or are not self sufficient’ and sometimes they do not mean that in a derogatory manner, it just helps to weed off certain ladies that are dependent on their man for every the tiniest things like toiletries and airtime. However, it affects complex of the independent woman trying to make it in life, so she cannot just take a bus to her boyfriend’s house again, she has to take a bus to the closest location and finish the journey with a cheaper cab fare. All because she thinks she is trying to be the kind of woman her man will respect and regard. After all ‘all na packaging’.
As funny as that is, it is the what the dating life has become these days. I always find it confusing when I ask a guy if he is dating a particular girl, and the response ranges from ‘we are just seeing how it goes‘, to ‘we are taking each day as it comes‘, the one that really stuck was,’ I am not really dating, I am in a non-committed relationship.’ – and I am thinking to myself, if this is how you feel at what point do you feel you are in an actual relationship? I am just there pitying the poor girl that thinks she has a boyfriend.
I have learnt to never assume you are dating someone, even if you have hung out every other day for three months, gone to dinner with his friends, met his family and he has met yours. Gone are the days when those signified that things were getting serious, so if he has not brought up the topic or referred to you as his girlfriend on more than a few occasions, I think it is best to know your stance by asking.
I have gotten the memo that it is important to put my cards on the table from the get-go, to make sure I let him know what I want from the on set and if we are on the same page, we can forge ahead from there. I do not care if anyone considers that being forward, because I would rather be a forward woman who knows what she wants, than be the side chick thinking she is in a relationship. Worse still, the fling he is passing time with, which is like being the groundnut they serve you at a restaurant even before they bring the appetizer.(morbid!)
I have learnt that no matter how you try to change for someone, if they really do not care/ genuinely feel something sincere for you, it is a waste of your time and energy because they will go out there….
Check out the complete article here