Saw this thought-provoking article on StyleVitae and thought to share it here following the whole Tiwa Savage brouhaha lately. I am also sure there are lots of women going through similar challenges, either in their relationships and marriages. Being the lady footing the house bills isn’t something every woman prays for, but it happens sometimes, and when it does, things shouldn’t change. Marriage is a partnership, where the two individuals come together as one, so ego, pride should be set apart and focus on love.
Read the article below
Can Nigerian women actually handle success?
My answer: I’m not so sure. Ever so often we get epistles about the inability of Nigerian men to handle successful wives. This past week, it was even more pronounced. While we have examples of how this is true to a very large extent, what’s often overlooked is that sometimes the women are the ones who can’t handle their success.
The Nigerian man has been brought up to believe he’s the sole provider and that his ego and pride are based on how much he can provide. Therefore it isn’t a surprise when he becomes insecure because his wife is “out-providing” him. The Nigerian man needs to unlearn these; he needs to put his ego aside and face what’s important. But our society is patriarchal and for the foreseeable future, that ego will be massaged because the existing societal architecture has provided a framework for him to remain the sole provider.
The Nigerian women on the other hand were brought up to be taken care of and in many cases are taken advantage of due to this. Women have wanted to do certain things but because the husband is sole provider, she’s treated as a mere property most of the time. This unsurprisingly breeds a reprisal when the roles are reversed and given that a woman will do anything, positive or otherwise better than a man, she will in all likelihood, stretch this far.. Our people say that he who did not know he’d ever be a titled man, wears his insignia on his knee instead of the elbow where it’s worn. Sometimes she will unconsciously make him pay for oppression she’s seen a man mete to her friend even when the husband in question is not guilty. There are many cases, where the women who get more successful, over-compensate for the pain they endured. and this doesn’t help issues in any way.
I know a man who was abandoned by his wife in Nigeria here years after he’d brought her from Nigeria to the U.S. She’d got a better job in the U.S and become the breadwinner. At that point, everything changed. She’d refer to him as useless in the presence of their kids. Trained the kids to know she’s the provider and he meant nothing. Eventually she brought him back here, left him here and returned to the U.S.
In the end, life isn’t the gender Olympics. Men need to grow and unlearn a lot of doctrines. Women need to know that getting your own pound of flesh isn’t the way out.
Till The Next Time,
Nwankwo Onyedikachim
